"Flora Burn your dinner is served captain" the chef lifted the lid and a choking smell drifted from the plate "what is this" growled Flora. "My homemade special squid, I hope you like it". "What, I just couldn't eat something so smelly" Flora huffed. Flora's son Tom ran in and grabbed some squid and ate it before he could be stopped and he fell unconscious on the floor. Floras pirate skills allowed her to easily force the chef, who had tried to poison her, into the water easily. Black beard survived and the captain was sure to never hire chefs.
4 comments:
I like your story, even though its quite confusing (where was Blackbeard mentioned before, Blackbeard is a captain but in the story you said flora burn was the captain?). I also like how you had the moral at the end of the story. You could add more adjectives though.
I really like the idea about what you wrote about and I also liked your sentence structures. Next time you could add a bit more commas to make it less confusing.
Interesting idea with the poison. I like the the idea about the "homemade special squid". Very dramatic that Flora's son is unconscious on the floor and also I like the imaginative name Flora Burn.
You need to look at your punctuation after each speech and also you've missed an apostrophe or two. See if you can find them?
Flora Burn is a real pirate, I did realize it was confusing but there was not enough words to use to get the whole story through so it got a bit confusing, Your write but i thought Black Beard would make it more confusing to be flora burns son so i made it Tom.
Post a Comment