"Goodbye!" Mother shouted at the top of her lungs while trying to muffle her tearful voice.
I was ready. I had always been ready. I was going into the World ; to adventure. To the place of my dreams: England. Where all dreams came true...Well, that's what people said. After long hours of waiting, I arrived in London. The first thing I saw was a carriage carrying carrots inside! That was a surprise! Where I lived, carrots had never been that lucky to be placed in a carriage! I walked and walked until I arrived at my destination: Mauve Wonderland. It was an Inn but, not a filthy kind of Inn, an Inn with a Steel Museum, with a theatre, restaurants and of course, rooms. I arrived in my room which was as beautiful as ever. As I unpacked my few belongings, an object under the bed was intriguing...so shiny...so attractive...got to touch it...And I was gone....
14 comments:
It was a very good story only next time you should introduce yourself more as I have no idea if you a boy or girl but I love your cliff hanger I realy want to know where you went.
It was brilliant story indeed but I think you definetely need to describe him/her or it how the person is feeling but other than that it was very good to read, nice cliff hanger by the way.
I really loved how you built suspense at the end and how you use strong adjectives.
Good piece of work Alma but you only need just 100 words. I like how you use those five words in your piece of work.
I like how you have made it so you have to guess what happens next. I think that to improve your writing you could make it have 100 words!
I really liked how you used a wider variety of punctuation.
@Martha - why do you need to know the gender?
@Alma - excellent use of adjectives to set the scene. You have tried to vary sentence types to improve the flow of your story. Check to see if your commas are in the right places.
I think we should know the gender so that we can see the person better and it helps the story as I think it could be a boy as he was ready to go and I imagend him leave without a second glance but it could be a girl as she loved the room and described it excitedly and noticed carrots in the carriage.
I like how you said to be continued because that makes us think what is going to happen next and your story draws the reader.I really want to know what happens next.I think you can be an author !!
Good Job!!
Martha, actually, the fact that I haven't described myself and my gender makes the story more interesting as if I described my gender, some people wouldn't be able to relate. It also makes the story have suspence.
Your story is really amazing, you used a lot of adjective and emotion words and you made me imagine in my head about the story. But I think next time you should write the story shorter because it's called 100 word challenge.
I really like the way that Alma highlighted the weekly challenge words. It shows that you have use the words.
I really like the way you made your ending a mystery.
I like your stories they are very interesting and I wanted to know the next part!
Maybe next time try to write a 100 words or less.
P.s I REALLY like the cliff hanger it builds up lots of tension.
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