Wednesday, 17 May 2017
The demon Swamp
It was a very nice day in the swamp of Vietnam, Admin and Allan are off to scout around the swamp called "The demon Swamp" to figure out why was it called the Demon Swamp."Um Admin"said Allan Nervously."I'm having concerns that someone or something is going to appear in this Swamp"."If we see a creature who is trying to kill us, We'll make a run for it". Said Admin Hopefully. Then suddenly a strange thing is heading close to Admin and Allan and both of them are unaware about it, Suddenly an orange crocodile jumps out in front of Admin and Allan eventually collapse of the Crocodile and admin tries to the stop the crocodile from eating him and Allan with the crocodile opening wide of his mouth. Within the next few minutes Admin manage to stop the orange crocodile from eating Both Admin and Allan and they immediately panic and returned back to town." Gosh that was close, Wasn't it Allan". said Admin. " That creature was almost eating us". Said Allan Nervously.
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4 comments:
I liked how the orange crocodile is going to eat them but check your spelling at the bottom sentence,
I love the action in your story but I want to know why the swamp is still called "The Demon Swamp" because in the end it does not tell you much other than Allan saying something nervously. Next time you could improve with ending the story.
Don't forget to keep the story about 100 words.
I also wanted to mention the fact that you have 177 words in your writing. Next time try to aim for 100.
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