Thursday, 26 January 2017
Amanda's diary
I'm Amanda and I'm 8 years old. I'm from Sweden. My favorite food is scrambled egg with mauve carrot. I eat the same food every day but I'm never bored of it. One day I walked to the river near by my house, I saw a girl that is about my age crying. I walked towards her and I asked why are you crying?... She said my dad told me to find the steel that I was playing with and now he is so mad. Amanda thiught in her mind that it was very tearful that her dad got mad at her. Amanda tried and help her she looked under. Then suddenly Amanda saw her father steel so they both went home happily.
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4 comments:
The beginning of your story is structurally very good. Good short sentences giving good concise information about the main character which make it very easy to read.
I'm confused with your tenses. Your talking about this event in the past but some of your verbs are in the present. Can you find them? Also, you have a made an incorrect spelling thiught. Can you fix it?
Nice work.
I like the way you made your story a diary.
Your story is very interesting, the story is very descriptive, its also emotive. There is one problem you have some writing mistake, you wrote thiught instead of thought. The story is very amazing.
i like this too as it is like an diary as what Alma said
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