Thursday, 26 January 2017
The Golden Carrot Vault Heist
I was driving down to my friends house we were talking about where should we go for our next heist. Ray the second eldest said "We could go to the golden carrot vault." The steel is a mauve color, and we all agreed to go there so we went to visit to see what's there. Later that day we put our masks on and tied the citizens and shot the guards. "Activate the drill!" said Rex the police is all ready swarming us and we had a tearful voice and we ducked under the table but will we break in.
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5 comments:
I really like your story you have used a lot of adjective and you made me imagine of the story.
Really engaging and action packed piece Edward. Some good ideas. I especially liked the heist idea.
Think about your punctuation, specifically think about your comma's (,) and when we use them? Do we need a comma straight after and? When a sentence is finished, what do we need? To help you, a sentence always has:
1. Who it's about (subject)
2. What is happening?
Well done.
I don't understand why they all agreed to go to the golden carrot vault when they knew that the steel is a mauve color.
i liked the story
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