I was dreading looking for a new house, I looked outside the
car window and I see a house that was very ordinary looking. I jump out the car
and walk inside the house. The first thing I see is a steel carrot that was an odd
decoration but I liked it. I grab and
hold it for a while looking at its form and detailed designs. I drop it onto
the floor, I look under the mauve table. I hit my head hard on the table. “Are you okay!” Mom said. “I’m
fine.” I said in a tearful voice.
5 comments:
Look at the verbs (doing word) in your story. What tense are you writing in the past, present or future?
It doesn't make any sense if you did't have any verbs or even past, present or future tense.
I like it because it is funny at the end, no offense. When she hits her head down on the table, it has a comic effect.
Love the weird steel carrot idea!!? Just as everyone else said, watch out for your tenses. You could also try some more complex grammar... :)
I really like your story but how did your mum end up there? Also please check your grammar. :)
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