Dear Andrew, You must worry because when mum or dad sick no people to help but you can help. You must feel scared because you sleep in the small health centre in the big dark no light no food. You must feel good because you can save the big people or small baby but you want to feel happy and you want medicine to give him.
How are you when you sleep in the health centre?
How are you go back to you big home you go with car or bicycle?Thank you for anything to tell me.
From Mo
6 comments:
Fantastic effort Mo. I think you understood, how hard it must be for a doctor working in Sierra Leone. You showed empathy by saying "You must feel good because you can save the big people or small baby".
I think you should look at your last question. Do you think that is important to Dr.Sesay? And, if not, why not?
Well done Mo.
Very good effort Mo. I like the way you use "You must" over and over again like You must worry, You must feel good, You must feel scared.
Next time don't forget to put verb-to-be to make it make sense in some sentences.
Thank you poom
Good afford foe story Mo.
You still need to improve and learn hot to use commas. But good try, if you keep it up, you will get better soon.
This is great Mo. I love the empathy you show for Andrew's situation. The way you write this, with 'you must' makes it powerful, particularly with the use of adjectives to help create an image in the readers head.
I would say that you could improve with your punctuation (use of commas) and spacing (make paragraphs and leave a space after any punctuation and after 'Dear Andrew'.
Great work Mo!
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