Saturday, 10 June 2017
:(
There was a Girl named Gitgud and she liked to walk to other people and kept saying that she is better than anyone. But one sunny afternoon she went to the beach, sat and chill at the beach for a good solid five minutes, then she dashed to one of the people at the sea and scream at them for no reason, she tried to say that she is special by showing people that she can make water gushing in toward the ocean but when she tried the water just kept gushing out. She felt so embarrassed and killed herself.
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5 comments:
A really nice piece of descriptive writing! I particularly like the domestic description, giving the piece a familiar feel, until the ending where you really shock and distance the reader, which is also really interesting. Good use of grammar and punctuation, especially with commas and full stops. If anything you could perhaps extend the ending and add more to the story, like why she took the actions she did. Also perhaps experiment with some different types of punctuation. Keep up the good work!
Great entry! Creative names! Maybe next time you could add more dramatic effect to the story not, 'She felt so embarrassed she killed herself.' :)
Really like the name of the girl, and I like how dark the ending was but you could explain what you write more.
What a great story Leon! Maybe for your title, you shouldn't put on emoji I guess.
Your story are so good maybe next time you should give it a interesting title
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