Friday, 9 June 2017
Broken boat
One pirate with his crew was going to find the super teasure " But it raining" shout one of his crew "but we still have to go it the rare teasure" say the captain. While they where on a boat the wind was blowing as strong as they could do, the boat start to swing then the boat start to be broken... the water keep gushing out.... "Jump!!!!" Shout the captain. Every one survives but every got a scar all of there body because of the rock under the water.
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3 comments:
A really nice piece of descriptive writing! I particularly like the action like description, giving the piece a thrilling feel. The description of the crew is really believable, injuries were certainly common place for crews of that kind. Good use of grammar and punctuation, especially the ellipsis. You could perhaps improve phrasing and sentencing in places. You could perhaps extend the ending and add more to the story, like what happens to the pirates, and also experiment with some different types of punctuation. Keep up the good work!
In nice story, but remember to used correct word such as form were to where do your best on the next one good luck :)
Very great story In, but this is a past story, so after the speech you should put past tense. The the word "Everyone" is not every one, some of your grammar doesn't sense, but not too bad. Keep it up, good try In!
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