Friday, 9 June 2017
The Empty Treasure Box
We sprung of the boat onto the sand, all staring at the map trying to find out what way to go. The captain led the way as we all followed behind like slaves. We were all begging to give up but then we saw a path, we followed the path until it stopped and there we saw a clear lake. One of the men volunteered to dive in, a few seconds later he came out of the lake and plotted the treasure box right in front of us. Then the captain silently opened it, the water just kept gushing out.
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4 comments:
A really nice piece of descriptive writing! I particularly like the action like description, giving the piece a thrilling feel. The description of the crew is really believable, and the storyline is like something from a good Pirates movie. Good use of sentencing, especially good use of full stops and commas. If anything you could perhaps extend the ending and add more to the story, like what happens to the treasure, and also experiment with some different types of punctuation. Keep up the good work!
I really like your story well done. :)
The story is very good and full of descriptions, the first sentence is a bit confusing but the rest of the story is really good, well done.
Good job Phina your story is very good
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